As luck would have it, I found a ring today. Some hippies set up a stand on campus and my friend and I stopped by after we hit the library. I found a ring that I really like. It's a fake sapphire in a sterling silver setting. The lady told me it was a real sapphire, but it couldn't have been for the price I paid. Anyway, I love it. The ring is simple, but elegant and classy. I made up my list of love rules to serve as the promise that goes with the ring.
1. I will not be with a man who demands that I change or that tells me I am not good enough through words, actions, or indirection.
2. I will not chase him more than he chases me.
3. I will not be with a man who badmouths my family or tries to make me choose between him and them.
4. I will not be with a miser or a spendthrift.
5. I will not be with someone who never tells me when I am wrong or who always tells me when I am wrong.
6. I will not be with someone who is not genuinely happy for me.
7. I will not be with someone toward whom I feel no passion.
8. I will not be with someone who neither challenges nor inspires me.
9. I will not be with someone who doesn't read fiction and non-fiction, love (or at least tolerate) old movies, watch baseball, or root against the Red Sox.
10. I will not be with someone who doesn't show respect for me, my beliefs, my opinions, my friends, and my family.
11. I will not be with someone who does not want to get married and have children.
12. I will not be with someone who will not share the load.
13. I will not be with someone who talks to his mom more than he talks to me.
14. I will not be with someone who does not make eye contact.
15. I will not be with a man with whom I cannot be myself or with whom I cannot talk.
16. I will not be with a man who has no sense of humor.
17. He must dance with me--in public, in the middle of the street, or in the kitchen.
18. He must not cry more than I do.
19. He must not take himself too seriously.
20. He must have good manners and a sense of propriety, both in public and at home.
21. He must be willing to buy tools and deal with rodents.
22. He must care about how he looks and dress well, but not to the point of feminine vanity.
23. He must be sincere.
24. He must not rush me or let me go without a fight.
25. He must be kind and gentle, but also masculine.
26. I must acknowledge and consider any negative traits.
27. I must not get carried away and move too quickly or recklessly.
28. I must not lose sight of myself.
29. I must be willing to compromise, to share, to be committed. This means being honest about my fears, first with myself to see if any are red flags, then with him. I must keep the lines of communication open.
30. I must not lose myself, my independence, and my dreams.
31. I must always fight fairly. This means being fair to him and to myself.
2. I will not chase him more than he chases me.
3. I will not be with a man who badmouths my family or tries to make me choose between him and them.
4. I will not be with a miser or a spendthrift.
5. I will not be with someone who never tells me when I am wrong or who always tells me when I am wrong.
6. I will not be with someone who is not genuinely happy for me.
7. I will not be with someone toward whom I feel no passion.
8. I will not be with someone who neither challenges nor inspires me.
9. I will not be with someone who doesn't read fiction and non-fiction, love (or at least tolerate) old movies, watch baseball, or root against the Red Sox.
10. I will not be with someone who doesn't show respect for me, my beliefs, my opinions, my friends, and my family.
11. I will not be with someone who does not want to get married and have children.
12. I will not be with someone who will not share the load.
13. I will not be with someone who talks to his mom more than he talks to me.
14. I will not be with someone who does not make eye contact.
15. I will not be with a man with whom I cannot be myself or with whom I cannot talk.
16. I will not be with a man who has no sense of humor.
17. He must dance with me--in public, in the middle of the street, or in the kitchen.
18. He must not cry more than I do.
19. He must not take himself too seriously.
20. He must have good manners and a sense of propriety, both in public and at home.
21. He must be willing to buy tools and deal with rodents.
22. He must care about how he looks and dress well, but not to the point of feminine vanity.
23. He must be sincere.
24. He must not rush me or let me go without a fight.
25. He must be kind and gentle, but also masculine.
26. I must acknowledge and consider any negative traits.
27. I must not get carried away and move too quickly or recklessly.
28. I must not lose sight of myself.
29. I must be willing to compromise, to share, to be committed. This means being honest about my fears, first with myself to see if any are red flags, then with him. I must keep the lines of communication open.
30. I must not lose myself, my independence, and my dreams.
31. I must always fight fairly. This means being fair to him and to myself.
These kind of break down into a few categories. The first ones are reactions to past experiences. Next are some traits that are important to me that he needs to have. The last are some reminders to myself regarding my conduct in the relationship.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put these out there. At the very least, hopefully, some people will see them and can be rooting for me. At most, maybe they'll be of some help to someone.
Woohoo, go Lori! I'm rooting for you ;)
ReplyDeleteYour rules are very strong & positive, I like that you've found a new ring which you can wear as a reminder of these. I'm rooting for you too, always!
ReplyDeleteAh, sweetie, you know we're always rooting for you! They are great rules!
ReplyDeleteOf course I'm rooting for you! Those are really good rules. I wish more ladies of our age were this thoughtful about relationships and what they will and will not deal with!
ReplyDelete